Dear Younger Me
Things I Wished Someone Told Me When I Was Growing Up
- Do not sweat the small stuff
I know that MANY situations will arise that will make you mad, sad, frustrated, confused and many other emotions that will try to take over your mind and many times make you obsess over silly things!
I have learned that SO MUCH precious time is lost over obsessing about things that are either out of my control or not at all worth my time! I cannot tell you the number of times I have spent agonizing over stuff that I could not change or stuff that, truly, in the end, did NOT matter!!!
Life is so precious and we only get a finite amount of time. As hard as it may be, try to take a deep breath and say to yourself that, yes, this situation may be really upsetting but in the end, it will be what it will be. Obsessing and worrying about stuff that you truly have no control over will NOT change the result or the situation at hand. You will save yourself a lot of time, effort, and heartache!
2. ALWAYS be the bigger person and take the high road even when you are RIGHT and the other person is WRONG!
I know this one is going to be super difficult, like, EVERY TIME, but I PROMISE, it will save you so much time and energy!
We all encounter situations in which there is intense conflict and it seems there is NO solution or middle ground. I don’t believe this is true. Based on my personal experiences, I feel it IS possible to arrive at a compromise if one is able to set their ego aside, take a deep breath and TAKE THE HIGH road!
I’ve learned the hard way and through many struggles that as important as it may seem at the time to “be right”, I promise that in the long run and in the grand scheme of things, it will be so much better for your emotional health if you just LET IT GO and be the bigger person. Your body and mind will thank you for it!
3. One thing my parents told me, the Golden Rule: treat everyone the way you would like to be treated.
I know, I know, this one is really hard! Sometimes it can be so hard to treat others that way. When we don’t like someone or maybe someone did something that hurt us, this can be very challenging! Sometimes it’s really hard to treat others the way we would want to be treated.
As hard as it is, it will ALWAYS pay off to live your life like that. It may not seem like it at the time and the person may not act very grateful for how you are treating them but I truly believe that you reap what you sow. If you live your life being kind, considerate, and thoughtful of others and treating them as equals you will never regret it and you will always know you’ve treated them well.
4. Speaking of parents…LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS WHEN THEY TELL YOU SOMETHING!!! They’ve been there, done that and they just want to protect you!!!
This is a hard lesson to learn but your parents have been young once, too! They’ve gone through stuff, learned the hard way, and have so much wisdom to pass onto you. I don’t have children of my own, I’m a dog mom for life BUT even so, I became an adult and have learned stuff along the way.
Even though you may not agree with them, who am I kidding? Many times you definitely WON’T agree with them BUT give them the respect that they deserve for raising you, loving you, and taking care of you. When you get hurt know that it breaks their hearts and that if they could, they would put you in a bubble and keep you there FOREVER so they could keep you safe for all of your life!
My point is, just know that your parents love you and they don’t want you to experience the pain or struggles that they went through so just give them the respect of listening to their point of view. You just might thank them later ;-)
5. Never let fear stop you from doing something you want to do. Whether you’re scared of failing, succeeding, or simply fear the unknown, face the fear and DO IT ANYWAY!!!
I can tell you from personal experience that there are a few things I avoided doing or trying because I was SCARED! I look back on those things as missed opportunities that I failed to go after and now I sit with regret about it. This was a hard lesson for me to learn but I am so glad I reflected on it and I am now aware of it.
I have learned that the best things can come from overcoming fear. Relationships, experiences, once-in-a-lifetime things can happen if you can get past the fear. The only thing fear does for us is HOLD US BACK! No matter how scared you feel, fight the fear and do it anyway! I promise you won’t regret it!
6. ALWAYS follow your gut!
I know, I know, most people say “follow your heart” and even some people say “follow your head, your heart always leads you to hurt” or something along those lines. I have learned that my gut is that inner voice, conscious, the Holy Spirit, whatever you want to call it, is your guiding light so to speak. It is not fully emotional, it is not fully logical, it simply is your guiding light and all of the answers to your questions lie there.
In my 39 years, my gut has NEVER steered me wrong! In simple decisions such as whether or not to buy that shirt to something much bigger such as ending a relationship or a friendship. Whatever the case, I can say wholeheartedly, one hundred percent my gut has never been wrong. I’d say that’s pretty powerful!
When you find yourself confused or in the middle of making a difficult choice, quiet your mind, breath deeply, and tune into what your gut is saying. I promise it will never lie to you.
7. Like Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Translation: Actions speak louder than words and it’s what people DO is what truly shows their character.
Think about it this way: have you ever met someone who said one thing but their actions said something completely different? I have. There was someone rather significant in my life who would tell me all the right things — “I believe in you.” “You can do this.” “I have faith in you.” But the moment I disagreed with him, he would cut me down, berate me or be very condescending. So much for believing in me when you can’t even be bothered to consider my point of view.
I’m not talking about being perfect or never changing your mind. In my experience, people’s actions tend to be more accurate than their words, especially when the two don’t line up.
How about this for an example. Have you ever dated someone and they would say all of the right things when they were with you but when you were apart you would barely get a text from them let alone a phone call? Yeah, we’ve all been there. Trust it when people show you who they are the first time. You will save yourself a lot of time, energy, and heartache.
8. Believe in yourself NO MATTER WHAT! I say this because up until recently, I was someone who DIDN’T believe in herself, and until the moment I discovered that I was perpetually on the struggle bus in MANY areas of my life.
For me, the realization that I didn’t believe in myself was life-changing. I always thought I had self-confidence and believed that I could do anything I set my mind to. I’d accomplished the majority of significant life goals I had set for myself so I felt that I was mentally capable of doing pretty much anything. Yet, when it came to pursuing certain goals, I found myself stuck, paralyzed by fear and anxiety. What was this thing that was holding me back? I discovered that it was my lack of belief in myself.
As soon as I discovered that, I was able to begin the deep, intentional work that was required to change my mindset. Choosing to believe in myself has truly changed my life and has propelled me forward in more ways than one.
9. No matter how hard or uncomfortable it is, always, always, ALWAYS be YOURSELF!!! I truly believe we are all created for a specific purpose. I believe God created each of us with special skills so that we could each contribute in a significant way while we are here on earth.
There are many times in your life when you’re going to feel like the LAST thing you want to do is “be yourself” but in the end, I believe that long-term, it is always best to be ourselves. Yes, there may be times when you will discover something about yourself and that will surprise you but don’t be afraid of that. Don’t shy away from it.
The best way to sum this up is with the famous quote, “Be yourself because everyone else is taken.”
10. The most significant life lesson I have learned thus far: perception is EVERYTHING! It doesn’t matter what the truth, intention, or goal is…the only thing that matters is how the other person or people PERCEIVE you!!!
Yes, this idea may seem discouraging, like, you have zero control over outcomes BUT I hope you understand that this truth is the opportunity to really think about what and how you say things and even how you LOOK! It sounds silly but nonverbal communication is very powerful and what your face says, well, let’s just say your facial expression can say a thousand words without your mouth saying anything at all.
11. Last but certainly not least: Manage Your Money Properly and Stay Out of Debt!
You’ve heard the old adage: “I wish I knew then what I know now.” No other statement is truer for me when it comes to managing my finances. Over the course of just a few years, I racked up about $25,000 in debt!
Through a very tumultuous and emotional journey, I managed to pay off that debt in just 17 months. Learn more about my journey on becoming debt-free here https://medium.com/@landystewartmiyake/how-i-dug-myself-out-of-25k-of-debt-in-17-months-working-a-minimum-wage-job-96565429a261
